Misconception of Depression

Depression.

It's a word that is very romanticised in some ways. There are so many cases of the word being flung about for any situation that may suit. Some use it as an excuse to act in certain ways and some exaggerate it to gain attention that is so badly craved. However, believe it or not, some actually genuinely mean it when they say that they have depression. In actual fact, 350 million people suffer with depression world wide- and for those people, coming out and saying it doesn't come as easy as you think. 

Whether people understand depression or not, everyone knows that the word depression comes with labels, labels that sufferers don't want to be associated with or judged by. Often, people spend so long in denial of depression that they make themselves worse, trying to avoid the labels and to try and avoid the upset that they may, or in their minds, probably will inflict on other people.  

There are a million articles and blogs written by numerous people on the thoughts of depression, all fighting it's corner so mine won't make a difference, but if it makes just one person stop and think before they speak then it will be worth the effort it takes to write. 

Depression is an illness. Not just a mental illness- a real illness. Physical and mental. It's an illness which affects everything you do on a day to day basis, from sleeping to working and eating.

It sounds strange to compare, but depression is almost like a form of cancer. I am not saying that depression is as bad as cancer or more serious in any way- but in ways it is very similar. It starts off small, you may not notice it is even there; you maybe find yourself changing, shaking things off, saying "it's nothing". Then one day you feel worse than ever, you feel a significant pain- a struggle to hold it together. With this, is the diagnosis. Without help, whether it be from yourself, others, a doctor or even in some cases medication- the depression will begin to spread. It will get worse and start effecting your day to day life. 

However, that's when the similarities stop. With depression you might start eating too much or too little, give up on your appearance, walk round anxious that everyone is judging you and absolutely convinced that everyone would be better off without you. It's not uncommon to have complete self loathing to the point where you physically want to hurt yourself to distract the emotional pain which clouds your every judgement. You stop sleeping because you spend all night wondering whether it will feel any better in the morning, then sleep all day because you're too exhausted and too paranoid to face the real world. Sometimes you feel a happiness inside and you feel incredible, but without warning you crash back down into the dark reality that you're living. Nothing anybody can say will make it better, and because you know that they want you to cheer up, it sends you spiraling down further with the horrible feeling that you're letting them down. 

Sometimes when things go too far- it can lead to death. 

The pain felt is crippling, because it can't be cured with any pain killer- only by sheer mind power. This mind power doesn't exist when you have depression.

Most people who really do suffer with depression attempt to cover up their struggles. Whether it's a smile on the face, laughing and joking around or even forcing themselves to go out. Most of the time, you can tell that it's put on, but other times, people have no idea. Nobody wants to be a burden, because regardless of what you say to them, they will believe that they are. Compliments will be met with shy smiles and a muttered thank you, because they don't see what you see. They only see what their clouded judgement tells them to see.

Often they'll make plans to make it seem normal, then cancel at the last minute using any excuse because despite the lonely empty feelings that they wish would go away, all they really want is to be alone.

Most people don't realise how strong someone with depression is either- you literally have to understand that some thing or things in their life have hurt them and shook them so much that they can't carry on as normal. They are in such a state that they literally neglect their needs and push away all the people that they love so dearly. It takes a strong person to hide the pain, it takes a strong person to admit the pain and it takes a strong person to deal with the pain. I hear people infuriated at 'selfish' people taking their own life when they have children to bring up or when they do it in public. I agree, it's not fair on those around- but I also understand that someone must be out of their mind and desperate beyond belief to find the strength to take their own life- and that lack of 'right mind' would not be able to distinguish between what is right and what is needed. 

That's why people need all the help and understanding they can get...

But once the depression is 'out'- sufferers are reminded why they never wanted to tell people about it in the first place.

"cheer up"

"it can't be that bad"

"you're being selfish"

"I've been sad too"

"knock yourself out of it"

I don't really need to continue. Depression isn't sadness. It's not selfish. It's not something you can just knock yourself out of. It's something that drags you down into nothing and leaves you at the bottom. Someone who suffers with depression can fight for weeks to keep their head above water, but just one of the above comments, or if someone with a short temper loses it with them, they will go back to square one, yet again convinced that they are worth nothing. They don't mean to seem so down and they certainly don't want to upset anybody else, it's completely unavoidable. I sometimes see people complain about others who post on social network about their problems or their feelings. It's often really easy for someone to rant on social media to people who don't know them, or even people that do know them that they don't need to physically speak to. It's easier to type out the frustrations and much more subtle than having a screaming fit that you generally want to have when you're confronting your problems. If there are people reading this that don't like seeing such problems on their timelines etc. then either ignore or delete. It is their website- they can do what they please and you don't need to see it if you don't want to. 

The concept of depression and anxiety has been fought for so long, and thankfully now, more and more people are recognising it as a proper illness and getting people the right help at the right time. Unfortunately, sometimes ignorant statements are made, (such as the comments made by Katie Hopkins) which can set back the good progress that is being made. Depression is a real illness that real people suffer with.

To ANYONE who is close to someone who suffers with depression: 

It might not always be explainable or even seem obvious as to why that person is suffering. The point is that they ARE suffering. What might not be a big problem to one person could be absolutely crushing to somebody else, so don't belittle them into thinking that they shouldn't be feeling the way that they are. However, don't let the depression be an excuse for someone to treat you badly. Just because they're suffering with an illness does not give them the right to get away with everything, nor does it mean you should give them a ton of help whilst they do nothing. 

Although it is hard for sufferers, the right support and just the right amount of help can make all the difference. Someone with depression doesn't need babysitting, they just need help finding the right tools to start building their life back up again. 

Be patient- they will get there. 

To ANYONE suffering with depression: 

You're doing great. One day things will get better- till then, you will be okay, it's just a few big bumps in the road. 

Thanks for reading.

[Note: Just to re-iterate, again I am in no way saying that Depression is WORSE than cancer, I'm merely using it as a metaphor to explain how depression works]