Thanks, but no thanks 2016
... I don't mean for one minute that I enjoyed this year in the slightest. It's safe to say that 2016 has ruined a lot of people. As an avid user of social media, every second person seems to have had a bad year or has found this year intolerable in some way. Let's be honest, December 31st can't come quick enough for most of us.
This year has been horrendous in many aspects. We've lost some incredible names that we've grown up with; people who have inspired us and bought our imaginations to life over the years that they graced the world with their talents. The month of January is usually long winded and stressful, but after that, most years tend to improve. It seemed as though we reached April and it became fairly obvious that 2016 wasn't actually going to get any better. And by September, we were screaming at it all to end. We've had terror scares, brexit bullsh*t and Trump calamity, terrible crashes and loss of life. Seriously, how bad did this year sink?
Personally for me, this year has been an all time low. I've found myself heartbroken and torn apart, moved from pillar to post and the underlying issue, my health.
Anyone who knows me has probably seen the way that I've struggled for the past two years with my health and 2016 reached an all new high (or low) in regards to this. From March through to October I've been seriously ill, in and out of hospital; 5 operations, two extended hospital stays, crutches, medications and scared for my life at times. I'm still going in every week for the check up to tell me I'm still not in a safe range. It's difficult hearing doctors tell me that I'm a strange case and that they're not sure whether certain medications will ever work and whether they would work for future pregnancy's for example. I spent early April wondering what the hell I had done to deserve 6 months of agony whilst I learned to walk again, only to end up right back at the beginning. I missed my final special days at a university I loved and that I had worked my a*se off to get into in the first place. I pushed back my assignments to give myself time to recover before finishing off the year, ultimately giving up the opportunity to graduate with the people I'd considered friends for three years. In July I watched the photos of graduation go up with me absent from every one, determined that I would not let it bring me down.
A month later I once again fell ill and ended up with a near 4 week stay in hospital, right before the deadline for University (again). I've had multiple doctors on several occasions this year telling me that I could've died. This time it cost me my positive thinking and my job. But, that was it.
I've suffered with depression and anxiety for near on 9 years, and for those of you who do not understand why, it was due to sexual abuse which happened when I was 13. This is the first time I've been publicly open about what happened to me and I don't wish to be questioned further, but now you know. These periods of serious illness and my parents divorce, crossed with a continual struggle against my own mind, plus working three jobs at one point and completing a degree... it's been hard. And for the first time, I'm not afraid to admit it. After the pain and health issues I went through in 2015, I never imagined that this year would push me to the brink the way that it has.
I came into this year inseparable from a few people I loved dearly and who I considered close friends. I will be leaving this year without them. I've been in relationships and friendship groups that have broken down and left me questioning myself as a person. It's difficult to say goodbye to people you love, even when you know it's the right thing to do. I never envisioned not having these people with me at New Year, but so is life.
So, I guess it's strange to say, but I liked 2016. Sort of.
It's simple really. It's shown me how strong I really am.
I've had people tell me over the years that I'm strong and up until this year I've never understood how or why. For me I was just stumbling through life with a fake smile and a forced positive attitude, hoping that, somehow, things would 'just work out'.
However, in August of this year, I am proud to say that I completed my university degree with around 50% attendance over the two years due to ill health. I found out in September that I had achieved a solid 2:1 in this degree and that I had managed to secure a place at the University of Nottingham studying a Masters degree in Creative Writing. Health wise- in November this year I walked 17 miles in two days, including 100 flights of stairs, which following my several episodes of extreme blood clotting, is the furthest I'd managed to walk in two years unaided. I'm currently in the process of getting a copywriter job, applying for a PhD course and I am tutoring a lovely young boy in my spare time.
It's not a lot to the outside world, but for me, it's everything.
I may have lost people, but I've also met some of the most wonderful people I could ever wish to meet- people who have turned my world upside down and bought me real happiness. I am lucky enough to spend my time planning adventures with my beautiful best friend, Emma, who has come through all her problems this year like a trooper. I have grown closer than ever to my Mum, who offered me a place to stay in her flat whilst I found my feet again. I am now living with a good friend, Grant, who has supported me and backed me from day one back in the pits of Holgate Comprehensive; I will never be able to express my gratitude to him. I enjoy my weekends with friends, supporting a football team that drive me to insanity and back, yet would I f*ck change it for the world.
With the hell that 2016 has thrown at me and at everybody else- from my perspective, I'm grateful that it's happened.
I mentioned earlier that I have suffered with depression and anxiety for 9 years. The anxiety still exists, but I am a lot stronger for it and the panic attacks are far less frequent. As for depression? I can hand on heart say that I am finally beating it. Is it 100% gone? No, not YET, with YET being the important word. I have never been this positive, nor happy. I lost myself a long time ago and I didn't realise how badly I'd suffered till I started breathing again. The dark cloud that followed me every day has disappeared. I feel like me again.
This year, I have finally understood everything that I've been through and learned to accept it properly. I have grown up and dealt with every hurdle that I've come across, let people do their own thing and not allowed the little things to bring me down. This year I have looked at myself in the mirror and told myself that I am proud of the person I am becoming and that I am a fighter, even if sometimes I'm not completely sure I agree.
I am going to enjoy the last few weeks of 2016 before I say a fond "good riddance" as the clock ticks over to January 1st.
2016 I was a sufferer, 2017 - I am a survivor.
This year has been horrendous in many aspects. We've lost some incredible names that we've grown up with; people who have inspired us and bought our imaginations to life over the years that they graced the world with their talents. The month of January is usually long winded and stressful, but after that, most years tend to improve. It seemed as though we reached April and it became fairly obvious that 2016 wasn't actually going to get any better. And by September, we were screaming at it all to end. We've had terror scares, brexit bullsh*t and Trump calamity, terrible crashes and loss of life. Seriously, how bad did this year sink?
Personally for me, this year has been an all time low. I've found myself heartbroken and torn apart, moved from pillar to post and the underlying issue, my health.
Anyone who knows me has probably seen the way that I've struggled for the past two years with my health and 2016 reached an all new high (or low) in regards to this. From March through to October I've been seriously ill, in and out of hospital; 5 operations, two extended hospital stays, crutches, medications and scared for my life at times. I'm still going in every week for the check up to tell me I'm still not in a safe range. It's difficult hearing doctors tell me that I'm a strange case and that they're not sure whether certain medications will ever work and whether they would work for future pregnancy's for example. I spent early April wondering what the hell I had done to deserve 6 months of agony whilst I learned to walk again, only to end up right back at the beginning. I missed my final special days at a university I loved and that I had worked my a*se off to get into in the first place. I pushed back my assignments to give myself time to recover before finishing off the year, ultimately giving up the opportunity to graduate with the people I'd considered friends for three years. In July I watched the photos of graduation go up with me absent from every one, determined that I would not let it bring me down.
A month later I once again fell ill and ended up with a near 4 week stay in hospital, right before the deadline for University (again). I've had multiple doctors on several occasions this year telling me that I could've died. This time it cost me my positive thinking and my job. But, that was it.
I've suffered with depression and anxiety for near on 9 years, and for those of you who do not understand why, it was due to sexual abuse which happened when I was 13. This is the first time I've been publicly open about what happened to me and I don't wish to be questioned further, but now you know. These periods of serious illness and my parents divorce, crossed with a continual struggle against my own mind, plus working three jobs at one point and completing a degree... it's been hard. And for the first time, I'm not afraid to admit it. After the pain and health issues I went through in 2015, I never imagined that this year would push me to the brink the way that it has.
I came into this year inseparable from a few people I loved dearly and who I considered close friends. I will be leaving this year without them. I've been in relationships and friendship groups that have broken down and left me questioning myself as a person. It's difficult to say goodbye to people you love, even when you know it's the right thing to do. I never envisioned not having these people with me at New Year, but so is life.
So, I guess it's strange to say, but I liked 2016. Sort of.
It's simple really. It's shown me how strong I really am.
I've had people tell me over the years that I'm strong and up until this year I've never understood how or why. For me I was just stumbling through life with a fake smile and a forced positive attitude, hoping that, somehow, things would 'just work out'.
However, in August of this year, I am proud to say that I completed my university degree with around 50% attendance over the two years due to ill health. I found out in September that I had achieved a solid 2:1 in this degree and that I had managed to secure a place at the University of Nottingham studying a Masters degree in Creative Writing. Health wise- in November this year I walked 17 miles in two days, including 100 flights of stairs, which following my several episodes of extreme blood clotting, is the furthest I'd managed to walk in two years unaided. I'm currently in the process of getting a copywriter job, applying for a PhD course and I am tutoring a lovely young boy in my spare time.
It's not a lot to the outside world, but for me, it's everything.I may have lost people, but I've also met some of the most wonderful people I could ever wish to meet- people who have turned my world upside down and bought me real happiness. I am lucky enough to spend my time planning adventures with my beautiful best friend, Emma, who has come through all her problems this year like a trooper. I have grown closer than ever to my Mum, who offered me a place to stay in her flat whilst I found my feet again. I am now living with a good friend, Grant, who has supported me and backed me from day one back in the pits of Holgate Comprehensive; I will never be able to express my gratitude to him. I enjoy my weekends with friends, supporting a football team that drive me to insanity and back, yet would I f*ck change it for the world.
With the hell that 2016 has thrown at me and at everybody else- from my perspective, I'm grateful that it's happened.I mentioned earlier that I have suffered with depression and anxiety for 9 years. The anxiety still exists, but I am a lot stronger for it and the panic attacks are far less frequent. As for depression? I can hand on heart say that I am finally beating it. Is it 100% gone? No, not YET, with YET being the important word. I have never been this positive, nor happy. I lost myself a long time ago and I didn't realise how badly I'd suffered till I started breathing again. The dark cloud that followed me every day has disappeared. I feel like me again.
This year, I have finally understood everything that I've been through and learned to accept it properly. I have grown up and dealt with every hurdle that I've come across, let people do their own thing and not allowed the little things to bring me down. This year I have looked at myself in the mirror and told myself that I am proud of the person I am becoming and that I am a fighter, even if sometimes I'm not completely sure I agree.
I am going to enjoy the last few weeks of 2016 before I say a fond "good riddance" as the clock ticks over to January 1st.
2016 I was a sufferer, 2017 - I am a survivor.
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