Dementia Poem

Last week I was due to do an open mic session for my University's open night for 'National Poetry Day'. Unfortunately, due to ending up in hospital (I'm fine!), I was unable to attend and therefore read. 

Safe to say I was unhappy about this, despite the fact I'm probably not that great at poetry. Regardless, I'll give you some background information. DeMontfort University (my uni) decided to base our theme around 'memory'.

My boyfriend of a year's family and I have become, naturally, very close. During the time that I have been with him however, his grandmother has gradually declined in health due to suffering with dementia. I would first like to say that dementia is a horrible disease and if there's anyone out there reading this who has been through the torment of being close to someone with dementia, I salute you and my heart goes out to you all. 

It's been a hard year for my boyfriend's family and the chances are that it will only get harder, but the whole family pull together to make his grandmother's life as comfortable and as easy as possible, despite the difficulties each and every one of them face. Fortunately, the grandmother was well enough to attend her Granddaughters wedding in August, which I will add was an absolutely beautiful day, she is also still able to walk with aid and converse with her family. I admire the family incredible amounts for the strength they all show every day and the lengths that they go to- even taking it in turns sleeping on a camp bed to make sure she's looked after at night. Dementia destroys minds but this family is proof it doesn't destroy love. They're an inspiration to anyone who has dementia in the family.

Of course, along with the good days, there are the bad. The falls, the medical issues, the long hours... 

These bad days can take a toll on everyone. My boyfriend said to me a few weeks ago;

"It's hard because she's not the grandma I remember"

to which my reply was...

"she still is deep down."

With this in mind, and the theme, I came up with my poem. It's a free verse poem, from the grandmother's/dementia sufferer's point of view and it's entitled, "I'm Still Me".

I'm Still Me

I'm still me,

I am, although 

I don't always show it

I do silly things...

but it makes you laugh

and shows that I'm still me.

I know that you help me

and do all that you can do

I can't help myself

If I could, I would

because inside, 

I'm still me.

I call you the wrong names, 

It's your birthday every day, 

I do forget, 

Say things I don't mean,

despite this, 

I'm still me.

It's difficult, 

It hurts you all

seeing me like this

hard to talk to,

but still you try

to help keep me as me.

First I'll lose my memory 

then I guess I'll lose my mind,

but ignore me please, 

and play along. 

Underneath it, 

I'm still me.

I can't keep track

at all these days.

I'm only getting worse.

But I promise you,

no matter what, 

I'll still be silly old me. 

So here's to you dementia,

you haven't quite won yet.

You can keep my mind, 

my memories, but see!

For-get you

I'll always be me.

This poem was intended to be spoken rather than read, however I wanted to share it to both raise awareness for dementia and as a dedication to my boyfriend's family for all the struggles, the bad days, the good days and the hard work they put in. I'll say it again, they really are an inspiration to everyone with dementia in the family. 

Hope you enjoyed the poem. 

All the best.

Jess. 

Dedicated to the Crowder family.