New year, new everything...
It's safe to say that when I sat down to start writing this blog, I had no idea how I would even begin. It is a yearly tradition for me to sum up the past 12 months, mainly as a form of expression, but also as a way of me looking back each year and seeing how far everything has come. But, this year, how do I even begin to say what 2018 has been to me?
Well firstly, it has been challenging.
It has. I can't hide from the fact that the personal challenges that I have faced this year have been difficult, but I have also had to see people close to me make some tough choices too. As someone who places friendships and family high on their priorities, this has been difficult to watch.
Primarily, this year I have felt a very harsh deterioration of a relationship. It wasn't meant to be, and I accept that. The difficulty as many people will know is moving on from it. My closest few will know a little about my sufferings over the years and to feel another blow in what was a progressively good period in my life, it hasn't been easy to take. Similarly, my best friend experienced the same thing with her relationship. But as tough as these things are, compared to what could have happened this year, it's a grateful feeling that actually, I'm coming out of this pretty damn well considering .
There have been far too many tears shed and equally, far too much self doubt. I was working in a job that I loved, but that I knew wasn't right for my career. I was 'getting through' every day as opposed to living it. I focused too much on trying to get approval from people who didn't love me for me- desperate to correct all the wrong doings and the bad years that have happened before this year, once again compromising on my own well-being, purely on the basis of "I'm not good enough for anything else" and "I need these people".
I was wrong.
2018 has been a learning curve.
This year, I have learned my worth. Even if sometimes I may not think it, I know that I am worth more than tears, worrying and self doubt. I have learned that the people who are permanent in your life will unconditionally love you regardless of faults, mistakes and those times where you just needed to be on your own. But, most importantly, I have finally understood the strength that I have.
Following the break up, I immediately made a positive move on my life and decided to get my own flat. Having begun saving for a house with my ex, this is my greatest achievement in 2018 and I am so lucky to be in a position that at twenty four years old and as a single woman, I am able to live independently and comfortably in my own little home. And I am able to do so even more because I am ending the year in a job role that is perfect for my career.
As I type this, it also occurs to me that this is the first year in four years where I have not had any serious health scares or hospital stays, and it's things like this that make you realise that actually - things aren't always as bad as they seem at first glance.
At the beginning of the year, if you had said that this is what I would be writing in December, I would've dreaded every moment. Though, as hard as it has been, I am glad I've gone on the ride, because once again, I am coming out of another year stronger than before. So, okay, the view hasn't always been great, but the destination isn't all too bad.
I am blessed, and I mean truly blessed to have the support around me that I do. Family yes, but my friends have been unwavering in their loyalty, persistence, care and love... I am so lucky. Referring back to my earlier comment about people loving you for you, I have a group of people who have lifted me and made sure that my new flat and this new job were actually successful. To them, I owe absolutely everything. I have grown closer bonds with older friends again too, appreciating the chance to rebuild the friendships that only break down because life gets in the way. And, especially recently, I have been introduced to some extremely special people, who have made sure that 2018 will go out with a bang, and that 2019 is going to be one hell of a year to look forward to. I have created unbelievable memories at the Isle of Wight festival and with my continued music following, and of course, I have added another year of Nottingham Forest misery- but what would my life be without it?
My biggest lesson?
Some things just aren't meant to be, but actually, they can lead to some incredible experiences.
As I'm getting a little older and a little wiser (ish), I'm beginning to realise that there are no good and bad years, only good and bad days, and just because there were more bad days in a particular year doesn't mean it was a failure. In many ways, it's actually your biggest achievements. You succeeded by getting to the end of it and going "well that was sh*t, but I'm still here and I'm still me." Then you obviously drink copious amounts of alcohol and silently hope that the next year will be better. Which of course it will, because a year is just a measurement of time. It's how you spend that time and who you spend it with that makes that year worth while. In fact, it's what makes life worth while.
The point of this?
Life can be damn hard. It will throw challenges at us and put us through things that make us want to scream "why me" at the top of our voices. Life can give us self doubt- long term relationships break down, life long friendships go separate ways and serious illnesses happen. But life also gives us a chance to appreciate the people who are around us. It gives you the chance to stand up and go, actually - THIS IS MY WORTH.
So, to anyone reading this, regardless of your challenges in 2018, learn to know who you are, what you deserve and what you can achieve, whether it's a new job, a new partner or even something like passing a driving test. These successes all add up to make you who you are. When you have a bad day - because you will - look around at those around you at that point, because they are the ones who will get you through it.
And today, I look at Chloe, Rob, Emma, Reiss and Reiss (yes, two people with the same strange spelling) - you are the ones who truly get me through it. Thank you.
Here's to a happy, successful 2019.
Well firstly, it has been challenging.
It has. I can't hide from the fact that the personal challenges that I have faced this year have been difficult, but I have also had to see people close to me make some tough choices too. As someone who places friendships and family high on their priorities, this has been difficult to watch.
Primarily, this year I have felt a very harsh deterioration of a relationship. It wasn't meant to be, and I accept that. The difficulty as many people will know is moving on from it. My closest few will know a little about my sufferings over the years and to feel another blow in what was a progressively good period in my life, it hasn't been easy to take. Similarly, my best friend experienced the same thing with her relationship. But as tough as these things are, compared to what could have happened this year, it's a grateful feeling that actually, I'm coming out of this pretty damn well considering .
There have been far too many tears shed and equally, far too much self doubt. I was working in a job that I loved, but that I knew wasn't right for my career. I was 'getting through' every day as opposed to living it. I focused too much on trying to get approval from people who didn't love me for me- desperate to correct all the wrong doings and the bad years that have happened before this year, once again compromising on my own well-being, purely on the basis of "I'm not good enough for anything else" and "I need these people".
I was wrong.
2018 has been a learning curve.
This year, I have learned my worth. Even if sometimes I may not think it, I know that I am worth more than tears, worrying and self doubt. I have learned that the people who are permanent in your life will unconditionally love you regardless of faults, mistakes and those times where you just needed to be on your own. But, most importantly, I have finally understood the strength that I have.
Following the break up, I immediately made a positive move on my life and decided to get my own flat. Having begun saving for a house with my ex, this is my greatest achievement in 2018 and I am so lucky to be in a position that at twenty four years old and as a single woman, I am able to live independently and comfortably in my own little home. And I am able to do so even more because I am ending the year in a job role that is perfect for my career.
As I type this, it also occurs to me that this is the first year in four years where I have not had any serious health scares or hospital stays, and it's things like this that make you realise that actually - things aren't always as bad as they seem at first glance.
At the beginning of the year, if you had said that this is what I would be writing in December, I would've dreaded every moment. Though, as hard as it has been, I am glad I've gone on the ride, because once again, I am coming out of another year stronger than before. So, okay, the view hasn't always been great, but the destination isn't all too bad.
I am blessed, and I mean truly blessed to have the support around me that I do. Family yes, but my friends have been unwavering in their loyalty, persistence, care and love... I am so lucky. Referring back to my earlier comment about people loving you for you, I have a group of people who have lifted me and made sure that my new flat and this new job were actually successful. To them, I owe absolutely everything. I have grown closer bonds with older friends again too, appreciating the chance to rebuild the friendships that only break down because life gets in the way. And, especially recently, I have been introduced to some extremely special people, who have made sure that 2018 will go out with a bang, and that 2019 is going to be one hell of a year to look forward to. I have created unbelievable memories at the Isle of Wight festival and with my continued music following, and of course, I have added another year of Nottingham Forest misery- but what would my life be without it?
My biggest lesson?
Some things just aren't meant to be, but actually, they can lead to some incredible experiences.
As I'm getting a little older and a little wiser (ish), I'm beginning to realise that there are no good and bad years, only good and bad days, and just because there were more bad days in a particular year doesn't mean it was a failure. In many ways, it's actually your biggest achievements. You succeeded by getting to the end of it and going "well that was sh*t, but I'm still here and I'm still me." Then you obviously drink copious amounts of alcohol and silently hope that the next year will be better. Which of course it will, because a year is just a measurement of time. It's how you spend that time and who you spend it with that makes that year worth while. In fact, it's what makes life worth while.
The point of this?
Life can be damn hard. It will throw challenges at us and put us through things that make us want to scream "why me" at the top of our voices. Life can give us self doubt- long term relationships break down, life long friendships go separate ways and serious illnesses happen. But life also gives us a chance to appreciate the people who are around us. It gives you the chance to stand up and go, actually - THIS IS MY WORTH.
So, to anyone reading this, regardless of your challenges in 2018, learn to know who you are, what you deserve and what you can achieve, whether it's a new job, a new partner or even something like passing a driving test. These successes all add up to make you who you are. When you have a bad day - because you will - look around at those around you at that point, because they are the ones who will get you through it.And today, I look at Chloe, Rob, Emma, Reiss and Reiss (yes, two people with the same strange spelling) - you are the ones who truly get me through it. Thank you.
Here's to a happy, successful 2019.
I express my thanks for giving an interesting post to read. I can’t wait to see your next post soon. Good luck for the upcoming update.This article is really very interesting and effective.
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